Andy Rooney's Tips for Handling Telemarketers

Three Little Words That Work !!

(1)The three little words are: "Hold On, Please..."

Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.

Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.

These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?

This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.

This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home.

What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible . This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer !!!

(3) Junk Mail Help:
When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.

When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.

Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right?  It costs them more than the regular 37 cents postage "IF" and when they receive them back.

It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.

One of Andy Rooney's (60 minutes) ideas:
Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express.  Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back!
If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.

You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them 37 cents.

The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!

Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea !

If enough people follow these tips, it will work ---- I have been doing this for years, and I get very little junk mail anymore.

THIS JUST MIGHT BE ONE E-MAIL THAT YOU WILL WANT TO FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS

hahaha, this guy is AWESOME  

Sorry, friends, I don't login to Xanga that much anymore . . .

So, to make up some grounds, here's a gift for u all (courtesy of Frank)

TRY NOT TO LAUGH TOO HARD if u are at work or in the library ^_~

Enjoy

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent...............................12 Calories
Without her consent..........................2187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands................................8 Calories
With one hand.................................12 Calories
With your teeth..............................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection...............................6 Calories
Without an erection.........................3315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris.....................8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot...................4092 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary......................................12 Calories
69 lying down..................................78 Calories
69 standing up................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow...................................216 Calories
Doggy Style...................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier...........................2912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real..........................................112 Calories
Fake.........................................1315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging..................................................18
Calories
Getting up immediately..............................................36
Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...........816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years....................................36 Calories
30-39 years....................................80 Calories
40-49 years...................................124 Calories
50-59 years..................................1972 Calories
60-69 years..................................7916 Calories
70 and over..............................Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly.........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.....................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door.........5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door........13,521 Calories

Man, screw 24 Hour Fitness, U can lose like 10,000 calories just by . . .

Happy new year Everyone

I'll try to update more often from now on . . .

I am currently working in Portland,

MISS U ALL

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is too funny, have to put it up.

A GIRL'S FIRST TIME

It's your first time. As you lie back your

muscles tighten. You put him

off for a while searching for an excuse, but he

refuses to be swayed as he

approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you

shake your head bravely.

He has had more experience, but it's the first

time his finger has found

the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;

your body tenses but

he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks

deeply within your eyes

and tells you to trust him - he's done this many

times before. His cool

smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him

more room for an easy

entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,

but he slowly takes his

time, wanting to cause you as little pain as

possible. As he presses

closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give

way; pain surges throughout

your body and you feel the slight trickle of

blood as he continues. He

looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too

painful.Your eyes are

filled with tears but you shake your head and nod

for him to go on. He

begins going in and out with skill but you are

now too numb to feel him

within you. After a few moments, you feel

something bursting within you and

he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to

have it over. He looks

at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a

chuckle; that you have been

his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your

dentist. After all,it was your first time to have

a tooth pulled.

This will give u a good laugh at work, school, home, or during exercise . . . huh . . .

"I kNOW WHAT U ARE THINKING"

Online-dating kills people. . .

The borderline btw reality and cyberspace

Real people, fake world

It's never easy . . .